Ironic Love

Why do we fall for someone who couldn’t love us back? When that person becomes the very reason why we feel happy and sad at the same time. Everything about that person is getting more and more intense every time he talks to you. You feel that connection between you and him but just can’t admit it. It would not be more than just friends. Then there’s someone who is openly vocal about how much he loves you. He constantly makes an effort to talk to you or see you yet you could not give back the same love he is giving you. How ironic is that?

It’s been quite a while since I had this feeling with someone. The infatuation and all the things that go on between us but the difference is this just came unexpectedly. Until now I still can’t believe that I have developed this feeling for him. I fell in love with him for a lot of different reasons. He is such a nice person and I just can’t get him off of my mind every day. He is making me crazy some more when he is just being there like I need him. Yet not the sexual or intimate way but as a Bestfriend. Okay, how should I know it is just like that? How do I confirm when society tells me that heteros can never love the same?

I’ve been alone for all of my life. Like never been into a relationship ever. I am so good at turning down people, rejecting them getting into my life. So on several occasions, I would say it straight to their face or just walk away to send the message that “No!”. Like before it was easy for me to say that I like the person and then became friends with them after. Now I became considerably emphatic about people’s emotions. It is hard in both ways for me to say that “Yes, I’ve fallen for you” and “No, I can’t love you back”. And don’t get me wrong I try as hard as I could to be thankful to the person who loves me but I just can’t feel that same feeling they have for me. It hurts because I am getting into a realization that my Bestfriend could just feel totally the same way too. That is why until now I still keep it myself that I am in love with him.

I am grateful for how a wonderful person he is and yet he may not be physical that someone you could think of. But it is all about his personality. He is someone most relatable and can thoroughly connect with me whatever it is all the time. He is someone I feel so trusting and passionate about in everything I do. He is someone with whom I can share anything and would listen closely to my emotions. Everything about him just makes my heart melt more and more every day and that’s making it hard for me every time we are together. I try so hard to hide it and I just want to keep it that way even it is exploding in my heart. I respect him and keep it this way until I get over it?

Love is so ironic. On one side I am so giving and on the other side, I am so certain that I can’t love him back. I am way too good at pushing back people out of my world. Sorry if I have to turn down so many friends saying that I should try it. I just can’t. I’d rather be there as a friend too while appreciating every single beautiful thing you do for me. Nothing more than that. I get it that while you consistently tell me how much you love please know that for me it is just too good to be true. I am maybe too caught up being single for a very long time so please bear with me. I want something special or something outstanding I guess to convince myself. Like falling for him unexpectedly maybe I would do the same for you?

Love is so ironic. One person can do everything for you so you can love them yet you feel they always fall short while someone can just be the simple companion or even a total stranger then you think he is everything that your heart desires. Someone can be so caring and compassionate to show you how much they long to see your smile while another person can just smile at you and can effortlessly light up your day.

It is a wonderful feeling to love and be love. Between these two we may get so confused and consumed thinking about how should we face two sides of it. I guess the best thing when you are in love is you know you can never manipulate your feelings. You can’t just love the person because they asked you to. You always choose the person that makes you happy and does things for them that makes them happy too. You respect them if they can’t label the same intimate feeling you feel for them. Be happy for whatever relationship there is. While it sucks for situations like this, we should admit the fact that our hearts can never be trained who to love nor we can choose what gender, race, age, or personality we fall in love with. When we love, we love. We don't ask for it. It may come unexpectedly or it may be developed over time. Or maybe in an instant? That is love and it is so ironic.