How do you keep an admiration that long? Over 10 years? I still think it's not over. I thought it was nothing serious really and have blamed it from the sign of my stars. I tied myself that long that until now I am waiting for you...
What was with that smile? His smile... I was like 16 bigger and taller than you are. Never felt infatuated with someone like that ever before, and never ever again since...I am so thankful to have my friends introduced you. That was that beginning. I knew you were straight but who cares? Friends? There were no deals. Just that. And everything went amazing then. I started writing poems and romantically expressive I would say. I became religiously addicted to writing daily magical moments I dreamt and saw as they happened in front of my very eyes. That smile just never fade and never failed to amuse me over time.
After class, you'd meet me and we'd talk. Then it eventually became my obsession. I wasn't sure how was infatuation messing up with my brain and my heart at the same time. All I know was I was so happy at that time. I never got used to it. Until one day... I was overly dramatic and funny when I remember it. I tried to avoid you and realized that everything wasn't supposed to be in the first place. I was so sure then that I will forget you but you came chasing me? How should I resist that moment? You told me that everything was fine and that I should never worry about anything. Anything...
I held on for so long now that I locked myself inside such a dreamy space. A lot has changed. After high school, there were just a couple of times we've seen each other again. You never changed. That smile. It was all the same.
I had my personal struggles moving on with the career that I lost you somewhere. Until again after some periods of getting myself back in and thought that I was ready... I heard that you got married. Happy and now with a one-year-old kid. It was the same season last year when we found each other back. I never had doubts looking at your profile picture. It was you and your big smile. Happy making a living for his family by traveling the world.
I was so happy again being reunited with a long-lost friend. We exchanged numbers and for a moment I was dreamy again with all our conversations. The moments were nostalgic like I was literally drifting memories back in years. When days were just to worry about not seeing you at school or missing that daily poem I would ask you to read. Laughing around unaware of anybody passing by as we sat by the garden each time after school. All I had that time were memories...good old memories of you...of us.
We had so much to catch up and I had missed you more than you know. Until finally you went back home for Christmas. I was ecstatic to see you again. And it was that last time that we had the conversation. I thought that was it. Just a snap you were gone. Yet I held some more time until today.
A couple of weeks ago we recovered our connections again. You told me things I found quite hard to believe. Still, I let myself reckon those days. How soon should I realize how to deal with it? I constantly drift myself a little far away from my present just to keep holding on to the feelings of my past...You consumed me like your own, the day we met and I had let my heart locked inside that feeling since.
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